In early recovery, parents might feel pressured to make up for lost time and experiences. We’ve had a spiritual awakening, and we suddenly want to fit as much as possible into each day—and we want to living amends quickly repair all the harm we caused during active addiction. I don’t call him to see how his meeting went this week or what step he’s on. Nor do I play the peacemaker between him and our Mother.
However, even if you feel extremely motivated to make direct amends, it is advisable to take your time with this step. Make sure that you are comfortable with your progress during recovery and that both you and the other person are ready to engage in the process. Some people will be easier than others to approach due to the relationship you have with them, how close you live to them, or other factors. In some situations, attempting to make amends may cause more harm than good.
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You will be obligated to pay back 25% of your total awarded scholarship within a 12 month period of time. Generally speaking, people work through the Steps of Alcohol Anonymous with an addiction treatment counselor and/or sponsor. You can also turn to AA’s Big Book and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (the 12 & 12) for guidance specific to Step 8. If you promised https://ecosoberhouse.com/ your father to help him mow the lawn on Sundays, but years have passed, and you’ve never once shown up, start now. If you promised your son or daughter to be there to see them off to college, clean yourself up and show up. You don’t have to be the best son or daughter, and you don’t need to be an ideal parent, but you need to show up when you make promises to do so.
Before you decide who to approach and how you intend to make amends, reflect on your efforts at recovery and the intent behind making amends. He’s a teenager, so I try to let him function at that age level. When he runs out of clean clothes, I don’t lecture or offer solutions. I let him decide if he wants to do laundry at midnight or wear dirty clothes. I no longer interrogate him about his day at school, so I can give my wise advice on how to handle difficult peers. I’m not his teacher, and I’m sure she’s skilled at handling that type of problem.
You can find What’s Your Grief? Lists to Help you Through Any Loss wherever you buy books:
I also made countless promises to her that I did not keep. It ranged from promising to fix something around the house to going to a family gathering. The problem is there, and that person is in front of you right now. An example would be telling someone how sorry you are that you stole from them and actually giving back what you took. When my husband misses a turn because he’s in the wrong lane, I say nothing.
- Over time, as you strengthen and deepen your recovery from addiction, you will undoubtedly revisit Steps 8 and 9 many times.
- Lists to Help you Through Any Loss is for people experiencing any type of loss.
- New Life House has helped young men stay sober for over 35 years.
- In some cases, making amends may mean paying or promising to pay “whatever obligations, financial or otherwise, we owe,” the Big Book also states.
- The unfortunate truth is that we’re all human and we all fall short sometimes.